Two missions, one life
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In 2018, I co-founded a healthcare company called Drop Bio Health.
We were focused on the biology of blood testing, scaling at-home blood collection to transform diagnostics, out-of-hospital patient recovery, and the future of preventive care.
The work was meaningful in a way that's hard to describe. We weren't just building a business. We were building something that could change how people understood their own health.
Then COVID arrived.
The mission we'd been quietly working toward suddenly became urgent to many. At-home care wasn't a nice-to-have, it became critical infrastructure and my small team and I went into overdrive.
When I wasn't in a lab, I was at home. My wife was leading a large organisation and together, some how, we were simultaneously homeschooling our daughters, like so many parents at the time.
Both of us were running on fumes, carrying enormous weight, and doing our best to show up for each other and for the girls.
I had always enjoyed working hard. That was never the problem.
But something was different this time.
The work was mission critical to human health. My love for my wife and daughters is mission critical to our life. I understood the paradox. What I didn't have was the language (or the bandwidth) to navigate it.
When the data isn't enough
The signs came slowly, then all at once.
The exhaustion and cognitive weight. The kind of irritability that doesn't announce itself until after the damage is done. As the CEO of a healthcare company with full access to my own health data, I thought I could read the numbers and course-correct. I was monitoring my biomarkers, adjusting my inputs and to honest, I was treating myself like a system to be optimised.
Then came a life-changing panic attack.
A week later, our youngest daughter expressed, in only a way a seven-year-old can, that she was worried about my health.
In that moment, I resigned from my role.
It came as a shock to many.
Some called it courageous.
A few thought I was walking away from something important.
It was none of those things.
It was simply honouring a commitment I had already made, but for which I had never found the words:
If there was ever a real choice between the health of our family and the health of the business, I would choose family.
The real problem isn't commitment
I've thought a lot about why it took a panic attack and a worried daughter to make me act on that commitment.
The honest answer is this: I didn't have language.
Not for my family, nor for myself.
I knew what I valued. But I couldn't articulate it in the moments that mattered so I defaulted to what most driven people default to: Pushing through, carrying more, telling myself the sacrifice was temporary.
Here's what I see coaching CEOs in the years since: Most of us don't struggle with commitment. We struggle with communication.
We carry an invisible weight. Payroll, risk, margins, strategy and the constant low-grade hum of responsibility for the people who depend on us.
We carry it in silence because explaining it feels self-indulgent.
Meanwhile, the people we love most are watching the late nights and the distracted dinners and drawing their own conclusions.
The bottom line is that without language, silence writes the story. And silence is almost always interpreted in the most painful way possible.
A framework for the conversation you haven't had
The framework I use now with the CEOs I work with has three parts.
It won't resolve every tension. But it will replace ambiguity with clarity and clarity is where relief lives.
Part 1: Acknowledge the Cost
Most CEOs skip this step entirely.
We jump straight to justification and what comes out is: ‘I'm doing this for us’ and ‘you know how much pressure I'm under’ and ‘this is just a difficult season.’
But before explanation comes empathy.
Your family needs to feel seen before they can hear you.
Here’s some language you can use:
‘I know my work takes time and energy. I know there are nights I'm distracted. I know sometimes it feels like I'm not fully here. I see that. And I'm sorry for the moments where that's hard.’
Notice what that does.
It doesn't defend, rationalise or minimise.
It acknowledges the impact and that alone lowers the emotional temperature in the room faster than any explanation will.
Acknowledging the cost doesn't mean you're wrong to work hard. It means you respect the effect.
Part 2: Explain the Commitment
If you don't explain your commitment, your family will invent a reason for your intensity.
Invented reasons are almost always painful ones and they sound something like ‘the business matters more than us’ and ‘they'd rather be there than here’ and ‘we come second.’
So explain why the work matters.
Not financially. Emotionally.
Work through three things:
What this work represents to you
Why it matters personally, and
Why it requires the intensity it does
For example:
‘This company isn't just a job for me. It's something I feel responsible for. People's livelihoods depend on the decisions I make. I care about building something that lasts. That matters to me deeply. And it requires a level of focus and intensity that sometimes spills over.’
That's honest and grounded and the language of an adult in a serious relationship, not a CEO defending their calendar.
The key reframe here is this: you are not choosing work over your family. You are choosing to carry responsibility fully.
When your family understands that your intensity comes from integrity and it’s less about ego, the story changes entirely.
Part 3: Anchor the Priority
Underneath most of the tension at home is a single, unspoken question that comes from family: ‘Am I second?’
You have to answer that question clearly and not using a cliché like ‘you come first’ because if your calendar tells a different story, the words will feel hollow and they'll do more damage than silence.
Instead, be real:
‘You matter more than the company. Full stop. If there was ever a real choice between the health of our family and the health of the business, I would choose us. In most seasons, it's not either/or, it's tension. And I'm trying to hold both well.’
Then go one step further and define what priority actually means in practice. For example:
"Priority means I protect certain moments. It means when you truly need me, I'm there. It means you don't have to compete for my attention emotionally. I may work hard but you don't have to fight for my attention."
This is where the conversation moves from abstract reassurance to a practical commitment.
Priority isn't about total hours. It's about emotional security.
When your partner feels emotionally secure, schedule tension becomes manageable. When they don't, every late meeting feels like evidence of something bigger.
How to have the conversation
Here's a simple structure you can follow. You can use this almost verbatim.
Set the context: ‘I want to talk about something important, not because something is wrong, but because I care about us.’
That opening lowers defensiveness immediately.
Acknowledge the impact: ‘I know my role demands a lot. And I know that sometimes it feels like I'm stretched thin.’
Share the meaning: ‘This work matters to me because I feel responsible for the people in the company, for what we're building, and for the future we're creating together.
Reassure the priority: ‘You matter more than the company. I never want you to feel like you're competing with it.’
Invite partnership: ‘What would make this season feel more balanced for you? Where do you need me more present?’
That last question is the most important one.
It shifts the dynamic from tension to team, from assumption to alignment. And it signals that you're not looking to defend your schedule, you're looking to build something together.
Rhythm, not balance
Work/life balance is a myth. It’s a futile pursuit.
Work and family is a rhythm.
Some weeks involve a heavy work rhythm.
Some weeks involve a heavy family rhythm.
The mistake most CEOs make is trying to flatten intensity, to make everything feel even, always.
It can't be done and any attempt creates its own form of dishonesty.
What you can do is communicate the rhythm in advance.
‘Next month is heavy. There are board meetings and a major launch. I will be stretched. After that, I want to create space for us.’
Now expectations are aligned.
If your family knows the rhythm, they can support it. Without that transparency, intensity feels random and random intensity feels unsafe.
Remember, predictable hard seasons are survivable. Endless ambiguity is not.
The sentence that changed everything for me
My youngest daughter wasn't worried because I worked hard.
She was worried because she could see what I couldn't yet see in myself.
That's the thing about the people closest to you. They often see the truth before you do. The question is whether you've created enough safety at home for them to say it out loud and whether you've built enough clarity that when they do, you know how to respond.
If you take one thing from this essay, let it be this:
‘I am committed to this work and I am more committed to us. When it doesn't look like that, let's talk about it.’
That sentence creates a positive cycle: Clarity leads to safety. Safety leads to trust and trust creates longevity.
So, over to you. What’s your next move?
Send me an email to let me know and thanks for reading, I appreciate it.
PS - Episode 168 (below) dives into this topic in more detail
From The Partnership Playbook Podcast
Here are this week’s podcast episodes for your walk, commute or workout.
LEADERSHIP MOMENTS
EP 168 - 11 min: How CEOs can communicate commitment to work without damaging family, leadership or growth. How do you tell your family your work matters deeply… without making them feel like they matter less? This episode gives you the language to communicate your commitment to work while anchoring your leadership at home with clarity, empathy and emotional security. Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify
EP 166 - 10 min: How to assess the GTM strategy you inherited (without killing momentum). What do you really inherit when you step into a new GTM leadership role: A growth engine or hidden drag? In this episode I’ll walk through a repeatable framework to help GTM leaders objectively assess the GTM assets they inherited and make confident decisions that fuel sustainable growth and leadership clarity. Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify
CEO INTERVIEW
EP 167 - 54 min: CEO Michelle Lynch on scaling healthcare without losing culture. What if the future of healthcare growth isn’t about scale but about partnership? In this episode, Michelle Lynch shares what it takes to lead through transformation without losing culture or care. Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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