The 4-Step Menopause Partnership Guide For Men

Leading Teams
Written By Phil Hayes-St Clair

Today, we’re going to take a step towards breaking a taboo and if you have a female partner, strengthening one of your most important partnerships. Because today, we’re talking about menopause.

I’m going to show you the four-step approach that men, that’s right men, can take, right now, to be a great partner for the women in their life who will go through or are going through the completely normal and unavoidable transition called Menopause. I’m also going to cover some facts and figures that will blow your mind and important resources like go-to books and doctors who might be able to help. This is all in service of helping you as a man feel confident to say the following words to your female partner: “I’d like to learn more about menopause so I can support you”.

If you’re a woman watching this, I hope you find it helpful (and share it with your male partner) and if you’re a man watching this, please act on what you’re about to learn. 

Here’s the link you can share: https://philhsc.com/articles/menopause-how-men-can-help

All the links to the medical evidence and supporting material are below and this page does contain affiliate links which means when you click the link to purchase something, it won’t cost you more but I may receive a commission for sharing this with you, which is great because I was going to share it with you anyway!

So, let’s dive in!

KEY RESOURCES

STRAW (Stages of Reproductive Aging Workshop) Framework courtesy of Herstasis.com - Download here

Books

  • The M Word - How To Thrive In Menopause by Dr Ginni Mansberg - Order your copy here

  • Save Your Brain by Dr Ginni Mansberg (this is an excellent read for healthy aging for both women and men) - Order your copy here

  • Menopausing: The Positive Roadmap To Your Second Spring by Davina McCall and Dr Naomi Potter - Order your copy here

Podcasts

  • Hormone replacement therapy and the Women’s Health Initiative: re-examining the results, the link to breast cancer, and weighing the risk vs reward of HRT | JoAnn Manson, M.D. and Peter Attia MD - Watch here

  • Clearing the air on hormone replacement therapy | Peter Attia MD - Watch here

  • They’re Lying To You About Menopause | Mary Claire Haver MD - Watch here 

Go To Clinicians

  • In Australia - Dr Ginni Mansberg. Here are her website and instagram

  • In Australia - Dr Ceri Cashell. Here is her website

  • In the UK – Dr Louise Newson. Here is her website

  • In the UK – Dr Naomi Potter. Here are her website and instagram

  • In the US - Dr Mary Claire Haver. Here is her website.

Recommended Fan (from the men’s H.E.L.P. Framework)

  • JISULife handheld, rechargeable personal fan - Order here


KEY FACTS AND FIGURES (references below)  

  1. Menopause is caused by the loss of ovarian follicular function and a decline in a hormone called oestrogen which circulates in the blood

  2. Menopause is one day and defined as one year after a women’s last menstrual period

  3. The average age of women when they arrive at menopause is 51

  4. In the USA approximately 6,000 women reach menopause every day

  5. Perimenopause is the time leading up to that day. Often called ‘peri’, it can last on average for 4 to 6 years, for some women up to 10 years, and for some other women, only a year

  6. Menopause is a very personal journey and as men there are a bunch of important factors that we need to keep in mind. Here are three of them:

  • It’s difficult to know when perimenopause starts and there’s limited research on this area. A key sign of peri beginning is an irregular period, but some women may have surgical interventions which trigger menopause, while other women may be using contraception that regulates their period so it’s hard to determine when irregular periods begin.

  • Menopause often coincides when life is full of other priorities, like children at school, work and OUR mid-life crisis!

  • Women can feel shame and fear when it comes to aging which can make discussing menopause even more difficult.


TRANSCRIPT

Before we continue, let's deal with the elephant in the room. 

Why is a 40 something year old white guy talking to you about menopause?

What you might not know is that I'm trained as a scientist and I have a strong interest in immunology, women’s health and of course partnerships. I was drawn to immunology because it helps explain the elegant, built-in system that both defends our bodies and enables miracles to happen, like the creation of a new life. And I was drawn to women’s health because of the enormous opportunity and benefits that come when women who want to take their health into their own hands can do just that. 

As I said in my 2022 TEDx talk, How To Move Beyond Hope In Women’s Health, men are largely responsible for the checkered history of women’s health. And today, we can help turbocharge the future of women’s health, particularly for all the women who will experience the menopausal transition. 

See the 6 facts and figures above.

Before we dive into the framework that we as men can use to support our female partners, let’s dive a little deeper into the science to help you understand why menopause is so important.

Most of us characterise menopause from the symptoms our partners might tell us about or the symptoms we THINK we see. For example hot flashes or night sweats. These are known as vasomotor symptoms (“Vaso" means blood vessels and "motor" refers to the nerves). Vasomotor symptoms are a form of temperature dysfunction that occurs due to changes in hormones, specifically hormones that are involved in reproduction, in the case of menopause this means oestrogen.

Other symptoms that women experience through perimenopause include mood changes, irritability and sleep disturbances, vaginal dryness, and weight gain. Doesn’t sound like much fun does it? 

The naturally occurring drop in oestrogen levels through perimenopause has a number of follow-on effects. For example, oestrogen is an anti-inflammatory hormone which means women lose some anti-inflammatory protections in their postmenopause life. What’s more, having lower levels of oestrogen increases the risk of developing osteoporosis. Osteoporosis is a condition where your bones weaken (are less dense), causing them to break or fracture more easily. On average, women lose up to 10% of their bone mass in the first five years after menopause and nearly 50% of women will have a bone fracture before they die. Shockingly, 25% of adult Australians over the age of 65 will die within one year of a hip fracture with surgery. That number is higher in the US. 50% die or in a nursing home!!

The reduction in oestrogen in menopause also coincides with age related drops in testosterone which is essential for muscle growth and maintenance. By the time a woman reaches menopause, blood testosterone levels are about one quarter of what they were at their peak. Why is this important? In the first 10 years of the menopause process women can lose up to 10-15% of muscle mass. Having strong muscles not only helps with stability and recovering from a fall, having strong muscles also reduces the risk of type 2 diabetes because the ability of your muscles to store glucose increases with your strength, making your body better able to regulate its blood sugar levels and reducing the amount of insulin you need in your body to help store energy in fat cells). 

Now let’s talk about how we can help and let’s be clear guys, we’re not here to fix anything. 

We can help by listening and understanding and providing encouragement and here’s how you can do it. Remember, it’s not about us, it’s about the women in our life.

There are four steps in this approach - H E L P 

  • H:  Have a conversation - I’d like to learn more about perimenopause 

  • E:  Empathise with sleep deprivation

  • L:  Learn about the symptoms

  • P: Purchase a fan

OK, let’s start with the first step:

H: Have a conversation. Starting this is simpler than you might think. You say, “I’d like to learn more about menopause so I can support you”

Don’t be surprised if this offer is unexpected. Many women face into menopause by themselves and your support will matter. This will be a journey for you both and a good place to start is to know that while it’s a personal journey, the menopause transition is well understood. There is a one page framework that describes the stages of reproductive aging for women. It’s called STRAW (named after the Stages of Reproductive Aging Workshop) and there’s a link below and in the show notes. STRAW divides the adult female life into three broad phases and shows what symptoms can be expected at each phase. It’s a very helpful place to start. 

Now, throughout this journey the topic of hormone replacement therapy or HRT may come up. This can also result in discussion about a link between breast cancer and HRT. This comes from the Women’s Health Initiative which from 1991 enrolled more than 160,000 postmenopausal women aged 50–79 years over 15 years, making it one of the largest U.S. prevention studies of its kind. Sadly, the initial findings of the WHI were incorrectly communicated and suggested the risk for developing breast cancer from taking HRT was significantly higher than reality. While this study was designed to help progress women’s health, it had the opposite effect. Today, we know how safe HRT is for those women wishing to explore this as an option with their doctor. There are two great videos linked below for you to dive deeper into this topic and I encourage you to watch them.    

I mentioned earlier the need for encouragement and now that you know a little about the impact of menopause on bone density and muscle mass, one step women can take to improve their overall health and longevity is to do weight training. Picking up heavy things helps to increase bone density and muscle mass.

Let’s move onto the next step, E.

E:  Empathise with sleep deprivation. There are very few things we as men can truly understand about women’s health. We experience puberty very differently, we don’t have periods, we don’t experience pregnancy, childbirth or post partum recovery, or of course menopause. 

At one time or another though, we are likely to have been sleep deprived and as a result we’ve been irritable, frustrated and probably experienced brain fog. 

Well the cumulative effects of perimenopause in particular, those night sweats and hot flashes can seriously impact sleep quality, and for years women are still expected to care for their families and show up for work and the rest of life. 

By empathising with sleep deprivation, you can find ways to help carry the load a little more. 

We’ve covered H and E, let’s move to L which is Learn the symptoms. 

Let’s recap. We’ve covered the vasomotor symptoms (“Vaso" means blood vessels and "motor" refers to the nerves) and they are a form of temperature dysfunction that occurs due to changes in hormones. Other symptoms that women experience through perimenopause include mood changes, irritability and sleep disturbances, vaginal dryness and weight gain. My friend and menopause specialist Dr Ginni Mansberg talks about these hormone related symptoms as hormone hell and from all accounts she is on the money.

P is the final letter in the HELP framework, and it’s the simplest step. Purchase a fan. 

That’s right, purchase a fan that is discrete and can be used to manage hot flashes. Here’s one that a number of women have recommended.

So that’s HELP and I promised at the beginning of this episode that I would share a bunch of resources that might help you and your partner. You’ll find them above.   

References

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Phil Hayes-St Clair

https://philhsc.com
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